Narrated by Akash
Agle 5–10-minute main living mein hi baitha raha. Bhawna aur aunty kitchen mein gharelu baato ke sath kaam kar rahe the. Tabhi Bhawna ke room ke bagal wala kamra khula aur fir ek haseen si khubsurat ladki apne geele balo ko sawarti hui nikali.
Use dekhte hi mere dill mein laddu phoot gaye. Bhawna ne to ise Hitler bana dala tha apne baato mein par ye to kafi khoobsurat hai. Gol chehra, Bhawna jitni gori to nahi par rang utna sawla bhi nahi.
Woh apni bath gown mein thi. Par bath robe utni choti wali nahi jo meri Shobha bhabhi pehanti hai. Ye kafi normal robe thi jo uske ghutno tak thi aur kuch bhi zyada nahi dikha rahi thi. Jo bhi kaho kafi sundar hai Neetu. Kash Bhawna jayse boli ye mujhpe dore dalti to maza hi aa jata.
Mujhe sofe par baith dekh woh pahle sandeh bhari nazar se dekhi aur fir boli: Akash?
Main uth gaya aur bola: Haan, hello.
Tab woh muskurakar boli: Are baithona, khade kyu ho gaye?
Woh mujhe kuch na boli aur seedhe kitchen ko gayi. Aunty se boli: Maa, woh mere room se hair oil li kya aapne?
Aunty: Haan beta mere kamre mein hai, lelo.
Neetu waha se nikal kar aunty ke room gayi. Fir waha se nikal apne room ko, is beech jaati hui woh mujhe dekh ek aur baar muskura di. Haaye rabba… bhale yaha Bhawna ke sath raasleela manaane aaya hun. Par Neetu ki muskaan dekh meri neeyat kharab hone lagi.
Uske room mein jaate hi Bhawna peeche se akar mere kaan pakad boli: Ayse kya dekh rahe ho udhar?
Main mudkar muskurata hua bola: Aapne to kaha kafi buri hai, ye to kafi maal lagti hai.
Bhawna mere sar par maar kar boli: Jitni achchi lagti hai utni hi zahreeli bhi hai, jaan jaoge.
Aunty kitchen se: Bhawna beta!
Bhawna: Haan mummy!
Aunty: Idhar aana.
Bhawna mujhe nazar dikhati hui wapas kitchen ko chali gayi. Kuch paanch minute baad Neetu ka karma khula aur woh bahar aayi. Is bar usne dheeli payjama aur usse matching top pehni thi jayse payjama set hoti hai. Kafi sundar lag rahi thi. Woh mujhe dekhti hui firse muskuraayi aur kitchen ko chali gayi.
Thodi der baad Neetu chaay ki cup lekar mere taraf aane lagi. Pata nahi kyu har baar jab bhi meri nazar usse milti to woh muskura deti aur mera dill lattu ho jata.
Main nazre chura churakar use dekh raha tha mano sharma raha hun. Chahe jitna bhi chodu insaan hun khoobsurat ladki ko dekh sharmana to meri kamzori hai. Woh mere paas pahunchi to boli: To Akash, kaysa laga tumhari Bhawna didi ka sasural?
Main muskurata hua bola: Bohut badiya. Achcha ghar hai.
Woh mere bagal wale sofe par baith boli: Aur… aur hum?
Jab woh hum boli to uski aankho mein ek alag si chamak thi. Maano hum bolkar woh khud ke bare mein pooch rahi ho aur main bina soche bola: Aap… aap to kafi achchi ho.
Neetu has padi aur boli: Hahaha, main nahi, mera matlab Bhawna ke sasural wale.
Main: Oh, haan bohut achche hai, uncle aunty sab kafi pyare hai.
Neetu mujhse nazar hata hi nahi rahi thi. Woh chaay peeti hui boli: Mmmm… to is shahar kaam se aaye ho ya Bhawna se milne.
Turant yaad aaya ki Bhawna boli thi ki jo bhi uncle aunty se kaha hun wahi Neetu se bhi bolu. Issi liye jawaab mein bola: Kaam… kaam se. Mujhe job lagi hai yaha. Aur issi silsile mein aaya tha.
Neetu: Mmmm… ok… kaha lagi, kiss company mein?
Main: Patel textiles and fashion limited mein.
Neetu: PTF? Seriously?
Main thoda ghabraya, socha ki Neha jiske company mein job mila wahi bolu. Par jab Neetu ayse poochi to main ghabrane laga aur bola: Aaa… haan. Kyu?
Neetu: Tab to hamara milna chalta hi rahega ab.
Main: Ku… kyu?
Neetu: Hahaha! Uski malkin Neha Patel hai, jaante ho?
Main: Haan, unhone hi mera interview liya.
Neetu: Woh meri friend hai aur ek jhatke ki baat bataun.
Main: Haan kya?
Neetu: Woh issi apartment mein rahti hai, hahaha!
Neha issi apartment mein rahti hai woh to main janta hi tha. Lekin ye baat ki ye bhi Neha ko jaanti hai woh khatre ki ghanti thi. Main banawti chaokne ka chehra banakar bola: Oh, sachme, oh baba re.
Neetu: Hahaha! Ghabrao mat. Tension mat lo woh apne office aur ghar ke bahar tumse kaam karne nahi bolegi hahaha!
Main chup raha, tabhi aunty aayi aur dusre sofe par baithti hui boli: Lagta hai dosti ho gayi tum dono ki.
Neetu: Haan, waysa hi samajh li jiye.
Ye kahti hui Neetu mujhe tirchi nazro se dekhne lagi maano koi sherni apni shikaar ko dekh rahi ho. Uski aankho mein alag si hi matlab thi jise samajhna mujhe mushkil lag raha tha. Baat talte hue main aunty se poocha: Bhawna di kya kaam pe lag gayi?
Aunty: Haan beta, woh pyaaz wagayra kaat rahi hai. Mujhe kuch nahi karne de rahi. Usi liye main yaha aa gayi.
Neetu: Haan haan aaj to apne bhai ko apne haato se bana ke khilana chahti hogi usi liye maa.
Main dheere se utha aur bola: Main dekhta hun unhe koi help chahiye to.
Main jaldi se utha aur kitchen ki taraf jane laga. Tab dekha ki Neetu ab bhi mujhe apne aankh ke kone se dekh rahi thi. Main kitchen pahuncha aur waha Bhawna pyaaz kaat rahi thi. Mujhe dekhte hi woh gusse wali aankh bana kar dekhne lagi.
Main uske paas gaya aur bola: Kya hua? Ayse kyu dekh rahe ho aap?
Bhawna: Bade gappe laga rahe the uske sath, wahi rahte yaha kyu aaye?
Main: Kaha gappe laga raha tha. Woh pooch rahi thi to jawaab de raha tha bas.
Bhawna: To jao jakar usi se chipko.
Main muskurata hua Bhawna ke kapde ke upar se hi uski gand ko sahlata hua bola: Kya didi… bhai se naraaz nahi hote na.
Bhawna mere hath ki harkat aur mere muh se didi sunkar muskura di aur boli: Sala bahan chodh, hahaha!
Eham eham!
Hamare peet peeche se ek khasne ki awaaz aayi aur hum dono ghabra gaye. Main jhat se apna hath Bhawna ki gand se hatakar muda. Neetu kitchen ke andar aa rahi thi aur cup sink mein lejakar dhoti hui boli: Didi aur bhai bade friendly lagte hai ek dusre ke sath.
Woh hamare taraf peet dikha kar khadi thi. Main aur Bhawna ghabrate hue ek dusre ko dekhne lage aur fir Bhawna boli: Woh… woh to hai. Bachpan se hi hum sab sath mein khelte bade hue hai.
Neetu fir hamare taraf palat kar boli: Mmmm… par tumne kabhi iske bare mein batayi nahi Bhawna.
Bhawna bina use dekhe jawab dene lagi: Haan woh to hai… ye meri shadi mein bhi nahi aa paya tha.
Main turant bola: Haan us waqt mera exam tha, diploma ka.
Neetu: Hmmm… ok wayse…
Itne mein aunty living room se boli: Neetu!
Neetu: Haan maa!
Aunty: Kisi ka call aa rahi hai tumhare phone pe. Shayad tumhare saans sasur honge. Yaha akar batayi kya ki tum pahunch gayi ho?
Neetu: Haan maa aati hun.
Neetu mujhe dekh shak bhari tirchi nazar deti hui kitchen se chali gayi. Main chup kar dekhne laga ki woh kaha gayi. Dekha to Neetu apni phone uthaayi aur apne room ko chali gayi.
Main wapas Bhawna ke taraf dekh bola: Huffff! Sachme ye hamare plan ke liye kafi khatra hai.
Bhawna: Pata nahi, kahi use shak na ho jaye.
Main: Nahi nahi shak kayse hoga?
Bhawna daant meenchti hui mujhe chaaku dikha kar boli: Tumhara hath jo meri gand par thi, idiot!
Bhawna ki baat sahi to thi, darr to mere andar bhi thi ki kahi Neetu ne kuch dekha to nahi.
Bhawna: Ek kaam karo, kitchen mein aa hi gaye ho to ye lo ye pyaaz kato. Kamse kam use aysa to nahi lagega ki tum yoon hi aakar khade ho yaha.
Fir main Bhawna ki baat manta hua uske sath kitchen ke kaam pe lag gaya. Ek 5-minute baad dekha to Neetu apne kamre se nikal kar aane lagi. Main uske taraf dekha to woh mujhe hi dekhe ja rahi thi.
Pata nahi kyu woh mujhe ayse dekh rahi thi maano uske mann mein kuch to hai. Woh seedhe kitchen ko aayi aur boli: Are waah tum kitchen ka bhi kaam kar lete ho?
Main: Aa… haan isme kya hai? Ghar pe to main hi karta hun.
Woh neeche kate pyaaz ko dekh boli: Hmm…
Aur fir peeche se mere kandhe par hath rakh boli: Pyaaz ki halat dekh ke to lag rahi hai ki tum pahli baar kar rahe ho, hahaha!
Baat uski sahi thi, main kitchen ke kaam apne ghar mein bhi nahi karta. Aur pyaz sahi tareeke se katna bhi nahi aata mujhe.
Main: Are woh…
Bhawna: Ayse hi dialog maar raha hai. Ghar pe kuch nahi karta ye, iski maa bata rahi thi mujhe.
Ispar achanak se Neetu ne meri gand par meri short ke upar se cheeti kaat boli: Jhoote, hahaha!
Main ekdam sa uchal pada, bhala woh itni asaani se meri gand par cheeti maar gayi.
Neetu: Chalo ek kaam karte hai Bhawna, iski selfi lete hai kitchen ke kaam karte hue.
Main: Nahi nahi… mat lo. Kyu lena, kya zarurat?
Neetu meri baat sunna bhi nahi chahi aur apni phone nikal kar mere kandhe par hath rakh mujhe pyaaz kaatte hue photo lene lagi. Woh bejhijhak mere gale par apni hath lappet kar mujhe apne paas kheeche hui pakdli. Is beech woh apni boob mere bazu par daba bhi rahi thi.
Main sar neeche kiye hue tha to usne apne hath se mere gaal ko pakdi. Fir zabardasti uthati hui photo lene lagi aur sath hi boli: Ab ye tumhari maa ko bhejke dikhayenge aur kahenge ki unke bete ko kitchen ke kaam bhi aate hai, hahaha!
Ab kya karta muskura hi diya photo ke liye aur usne meri aur uski photo nikal li. Photo lene ke baad woh mere kandhe se hath hataayi aur neeche lejakar meri gand par 2 baar thap thapaayi aur fir ek baar daba bhi di aur boli: Nice pic Akash.
Fir woh Bhawna ko dekh boli: Kuch help chahiye kya?
Bhawna: Nahi nahi, tu rahne de main kar lungi bas papa aa jaye chicken leke to fir bana lungi.
Neetu apne phone mein kuch karti hui boli: Are nahi, kahi tumhare bhaaaai ko aysa na lage ki tere sasural mein sirf tere se hi kaam karwate hai, hahaha.
Bhala usne ‘bhai’ shabd itni kheech kar kyu boli? Uske baato mein khatre ki boo aa rahi thi.
Bhawna: Nahi, use pata hai ki mujhe kitchen ke kaam karna pasand hai. Main to Akash ko bhi mana kar rahi thi. Par woh maana nahi aur pyaaz utha liya apne hath.
Neetu firse mere kandhe par hath rakh boli: So sweet, kaash tu apna ye bhai mujhe de deti.
Neetu ki baate aur baato ke iraade dono hi alag lag rahe the. Pata nahi woh mann mein kya rakh ke bol rahi hai. Tabhi Neetu ki phone baji aur woh boli: Are yaar ye meri saans bhi na, firse call kar rahi hai, ek minute aati hun.
Woh ye kah kar waha se nikal gayi. Jaate jaate woh firse mujhe tirchi aankho se pahle dekhi aur is baar aankh maarti hui boli: Aati hun abhi… bhaagna mat kahi.
Yaar usne aysa kyu kaha? Kyu ki is baar uske shakal par banawati hassi aur ek tarah ki dhamki zyada dikh rahi thi. Meri ghabrahat bharne laga. Uske apne room mein jaate hi main palat kar Bhawna ko dekha. Bhawna bhi mujhe dekh rahi thi.
Main: Ye… ye pagal hai kya?
Bhawna: Ab pata chala, woh aysi hi hai, nakchadi. Dekha kayse dore daal rahi thi tere pe aur kayse chipak rahi thi, kamini randi kahi ki.
Bhawna ke muh se ayse gali mast lagi aur fir main bola: Gussa na karo aap. Dora ka to pata nahi par woh haan chipak to rahi hi thi, par main…
TING TONG
Tabhi door ki ghanti baji aur Bhawna boli: Shayad uncle honge, main aati hun. Aur chup chap kaam karo. Agar woh ab aakar kuch pooche to poora soch samajh kar hi jawaab dena.
Itna kah kar Bhawna bhi kitchen se darwaza kholne chali gayi. Ab meri halat kharab hone lag gayi thi, ye main kaha phas gaya. Kya kya chudakkad sapne dekh aaya yaha aur ab yaha ye Neetu!
Chahe jo bhi ho jaaye Neetu ko kabhi pata nahi lagne doonga ki main sachme kaon hun. Achcha hua use call aa gaya. Aur bhagwaan kare woh poora time phone pe hi rahe.
To be continued.
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