What is Attraction? “The action or power of evoking interest in or liking someone or something.” As the statement says, the ‘power of evoking.’ That same power took me back to her place again and again for the experience I had the last time.
I was starving for that. I needed it more and more. I experience it each time. We used to sit sticking each other on her bed while watching TV. We keep our heads on each other’s shoulders for some time, one by one. We used to wrap our hands together, trying to pull each other closer and enjoy each other’s company.
That’s all we used to do. But we never talked about it with each other. It was just like I used to come and sit. She would come through and sit beside me. Just do some ‘Hi,’ switch on the TV and get onto our positions. After spending a few hours, I used to return to my home and return after a few days.
Almost a month passed following the same routine. I always thought to speak to her about this. But never knew where to start and how to start, and she didn’t do it either. I used to think of what she would be feeling about this and me. As she was married, she must have her mind divided into two halves.
On one side, she must be thinking about me. On the other side, she must think about her husband if she is doing something wrong with him. I know she was loyal to her husband. But doing all this with me on his back is not legal and is a sign of loyalty.
There’s only one reason she must be doing this. She is not so well satisfied with my brother and spends almost all day alone at home. My brother is a kind of humble guy. But the dark side of him is that he is old fashion. He might not be interested in having some interesting role-play and fantasized sexual romance.
I am not sure I just had a thought. I can’t say it might be true because we are just holding hands for hours, and nothing has gone so far. But I am damn sure that she needed a friend. A close friend with whom she could share her thoughts and feelings.
I gave her that. So she might have found some love and care in me and got somewhat attracted. My brother gets home from his work and rests. Then dinner and then sleeps. He might have some boring sex some days. There’s no one with her with whom she could spend her quality time.
‘But I promise you, bhabhiji, I’ll always be there with you sharing good and bad days.’
One day one of my cousins came up with an idea to plan a family trip to some hill station. We all were ready for it. The trip was planned, tickets were booked, bags were packed, and excitement was at its peak.
On the day of departure, we all reached the railway station together. The train was at 8:05 pm. We booked the night running train to reach there the next morning. So we were all in night dresses and ready to sleep on the train.
We reached there at 6:00 am, had tea nearby and booked a hotel for all to rest, get fresh and get ready for trekking. I was thinking about how she would look today, how we’ll get a chance to spend our time together and many more thoughts.
When we met yesterday at the station, she was happy and charming like she always is. She smiled at me and asked me if I was excited. I wish I could get that same pretty smile today. Also, I was starving for that smile.
After getting fresh, we all gathered at the hotel’s front gate. We were about to start walking towards the trekking point. I looked at her. She was taking a look at the surrounding. I was waiting for her to look at me, make eye contact, and smile.
Suddenly, she looked at me and now. ‘Ye! she is going to smile now.’ I just wanted that look but OMG she didn’t. She just made an eye contact for a few seconds and cut it away without smiling. ‘What happened to her?’ I was shocked because it had never happened, she didn’t smile ‘why?’
Now I was out of my mind and spent my whole trekking session just thinking about her. I tried to catch her attention in every possible way, but she didn’t give me a single sight. This was strange and was getting more intense second by second.
My thoughts were racing and forming many stories about what could have happened to her. The whole day went by with nothing. Now it was around 7 pm and time to have dinner. We all went to our hotel, where our rooms were booked with our luggage.
We went to one restaurant nearby. We went there seeking chairs to sit on. I took a move and sat on the chair near bhabhiji to get more info about what could have happened. She might be shy to talk to me in front of the family. I want a smile to confirm that it’s not so serious.
We ordered our dishes and waited for them to come. All were talking to each other and making jokes, talking about politics. I was peeking at her continuously, but I didn’t get any reply. Now I thought to talk to her directly.
“Kaisa tha aaj ka din bhabhi?” (How was the day, bhabhi?) I asked. “Mast tha bohut maza aaya.” (It was great, I enjoyed it a lot.)” she replied. It was a good start. I thought she would continue now. But she didn’t say a single word after that. It was like she just replied to me and ignored me.
It was getting too hard for me to take her ignorance. I need to make a second move now. I noticed that she was not interacting with anyone else. She was lost in some thoughts staring straight at the same place. ‘Is she thinking about me? Or has something else happened?’
Sitting beside her, I shifted my leg bit by bit till I touched hers. I was peeking at her at the same time. As my knee touched her, I noticed she got interrupted and cut her thoughts. Her head shook, and she returned to her senses, ‘What was she lost in?’
When we realized that our legs were touching, she moved her leg away. She must be thought that it happened unknowingly. I did it again. This time, it was like crashing my legs harder into hers to make her notice that I did it knowingly. I thought it would work, but it didn’t.
She stood up in frustration and went to the washroom. Now I understood that whatever was happening was serious and needed to be sought out quickly. We then went to our rooms, fetched our bags, and checked out of the hotel.
Suddenly my brother and bhabhi started to quarrel about one of their bags. They found out it was left in the hotel room. We were standing at the bus stop waiting for a bus to the railway station. My brother and bhabhi said, “Hum aate hai kuch der mein.” (We’ll be back in a few minutes.)
I saw it as a good opportunity to talk to her, “Ruk bhai, main jata hun.” (Wait, brother, I’ll go.) We went, and finally, I got some time alone with her. I started talking, “Hey, kaisi rahi trip? (How was the trip?)
“Acchi,” (Good) she replied. She answered my questions boringly like she was not interested in talking. I was losing my temper and shouted, “Kya hua yar? Kyu aise ajib behave kar rahe ho?” (What happened? Why are you acting so weird?) “Nothing!” She said.
I asked her the reason for such ignorance, and she was not ready to answer. By the time we reached the hotel and asked the receptionist to fetch our bag for us. But he handed us the key and asked to get it by ourselves. God was helping me now. I got some more time now.
We headed towards the lift and hit the 6th-floor button. I started talking to her again. “Please batao kya hua to, mujhe bilkul accha nahi lag raha hai.” (Please tell me what happened? I am not feeling good now) I requested. But she didn’t reply. Now we crossed the 1st floor
“Kuch to bolo yarr, bhabhi.” (Please say something.) I requested again, and no reply. Now we crossed the 2nd floor “Main nahi reh sakta yar aap se bat kiye bina, please bat karo.” (I can’t live without talking to you, please talk to me)” I did it again and no reply.
Now we crossed the 3rd floor. I was out of words and tricks now. I stood still without saying anything, and so did she. An awkward silence till we crossed the 4th floor.
I then finally thought that ‘Let it go. Let her do what she wants now. I am not going to ask her again. If she ever wants to talk to me, she will come alone.’ With that frustration, I yelled, “Thik hai main ab kabhi aap se bat nahi karunga.” (Ok, I will never talk to you again.)
As I said that, she suddenly grabbed my hand and said, “No!” And she started crying a little. I could see the crystals dropping out of her eyes. She looked at me like I had said something that she never wanted to happen. I was shocked to see her tears.
I adjusted my hand to her palms and wrapped her fingers with mine. Now we crossed the 5th floor and were about to reach the 6th. She wiped her tears with her other hand but cut our eye contact and looked forward. The door opened, and we walked out with still our hands wrapped around each other.
I wanted to talk, and so did she. But we both were waiting for us to get in our room. I opened the door with my other hand and pushed the door. We got inside and shut the door. She exploded with cries and tears, tightening her fingers more and more with each breath.
I was losing my emotions now. The teardrops started falling out of my eyes, too. I can’t see her hurt and cry like this. I pulled her towards the bed, and we sat there. I wiped her tears with my other hand and asked her to stop crying.
“Kya hua, bhabhi? Maine konsi galti kar di?” (What happened bhabhi, what mistake did I make?) I asked.
“Aapne kuch nahi kiya, main hi the jo ye sab chahti thi,” (You didn’t do anything, It’s me who wanted it.) she replied.
“Aap mujhe sab batao ki kya hua hai, bhai ne kuch kaha hai kya?” (Tell me everything, did brother said anything?) I asked.
“Nahi app k bhaiya ne kuch nahi kaha aur unko apne bich ka kuch nahi pata.” (No, your brother didn’t know anything about whatever was going on between us.) she replied.
“Accha, to ye, sab us bare mein hai. Mujhe maaf kar do jo kuch bhi apne bich hua hai woh mere karan tha.” (So it’s all about that. Please pardon me for whatever happened between us. It was all my fault.) I apologized.
“Nahi, aisa mat bolo. Jo kuch bhi hua maine apni marzi se kiya aur mujhe woh bohut accha laga. Main chahti hu ki ye aise hi chalta rehe hamesha hamesha ke liye, par….” (No! Don’t say that. Whatever happened I did it with my will and I like it so much. I want it further and forever, but…) she replied.
“Par kya?” (But what?) I asked.
“Mera ek pati hai, aur unke piche se ye sab karna galat hai. Mujhe aap ke sath wakt bitana bohut accha lagta hai, Kyuki aap mujhe waise treat karte ho jaisa main chahti hu. Aap waise ho jaisa pati main chahti thi. Par mujhe woh sab nahi mila aapke bhai se. Main hamesha ek dost chahti thi jiske sath main apni puri life spend karu. Par mujhe bass ek strict husband mila. Mujhe woh sab aapne diya jo main chahti thi, ek bestie aur meri care karne wala. Isliye jo kuch bhi apne bich hua maine use kabhi na nahi bola. Main woh khud chahti thi. Par kabhi kabhi sochti hu ki main apne husband ko cheat kar rahi hu. Ye sab galat hai. Isliye aap se duri bana rahi thi.”
(I have a husband, and doing all this behind him, is not right. I like spending time with you because you treat me like I always wanted. But I didn’t get any of it from your brother. I always wanted a friend with whom I’ll spend my life, but I just got a strict husband. You gave me all of that, a best friend and all care. That’s why, whatever happened between us, I didn’t say no to it. I wanted it. But sometimes, I think I am cheating on my husband, and it’s not good. So I was trying to stay away from you.)
I didn’t want to lose her. I loved what happened between us. I am much more confident that I’ve started loving her. She got a corner in my heart, and now that corner was paining like hell. But I can’t make her feel like she is cheating on her husband and doing wrong with him.
She did it all just because he could not keep her happy. He doesn’t deserve her at all. I need her to be happy. If I am the reason she is not, I’ll take myself out of her life forever. I didn’t want to lose her at any cost. But it’s important for her happiness, or she will spend her whole life thinking she cheated on her husband.
“I love you so much, bhabhi. I can’t live without you. I want to spend my whole life with you.” Just kidding. I didn’t say that.
“Main aap ko samaj sakta hu bhabhi. Mujhe bhi accha lagta hai aapke sath rehna aur main kabhi nahi chahunga ki aap mujhse dur ho jao. Aap mere life ka ek bohut important hissa ban gaye ho. Par aap apne jagha pe sahi ho. To aap abhi apne man ki suno aur aapko jo sahi lage woh karo. Main aap ke har decision mein aapke sath hu.”
(I can feel you, bhabhi. I, too, like to spend time with you, and I’ll never wish you to go away from me. You became an important part of my life. But you are all right at your place. Now I want you to listen to your heart and do whatever you feel is right. I’ll always stand with any decision you take.) I explained broad-heartedly.
“Mujhe lagta main abhi apan ne waise rehna chaiye jaise ek bhabhi aur devar rehte hai.” (I think now we should return to the actual relations we have, bhabhi and brother-in-law) she asked. “Ok,” I replied.
To be continued…
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